


More Than A Feeling

by GreyHaven



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: All the Smut, Episode 2.2 Fear and Loathing, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 20:38:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14221359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreyHaven/pseuds/GreyHaven
Summary: Heat radiated from the pure, physical, presence that was Duke as he closed the gap between them.  His breath was warm, the ticklish sensation almost a caress across Nathan’s cheek and Nathan balled his fists into the softness of Duke’s shirt - not knowing whether he wanted to pull him closer or push him away.Duke knew.He closed the final inch between them, his goatee rasping across Nathan’s chin, contrasting with the softness of his lips on Nathan’s as they kissed.Set during episode 2.2 Fear and Loathing.  How Nathan spent that one night he could feel.





	More Than A Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/Be2ftBMFAKk/)
> 
> With thanks to [SweetSynergy](https://www.archiveofourown.org/users/sweetsynergy) for beta reading and moral support <3 <3 <3

**** “Duke,” Nathan greeted him as he stepped onto the Rouge, his lips involuntarily twisting into a smile as his heart rate picked up a notch.  Just why did  _ Duke, _ of all people, have this effect on him?

Matter of fact, he didn’t even know why he was here, standing on Duke’s boat with a six-pack of beer in his hand.

There were a million other things he could - should - be doing.  Like processing the fact he could feel again. Reacquainting himself with all the sensations life could offer.  A hot bath, maybe. Or the softness of a blanket. The feeling of being full after a good meal. Curling his toes into the sand.  Or...

Well, pretty much anything except  _ being here. _

"Nate,” Duke was smiling slightly, that little half smile he did when he was amused by something.  “Changed your mind about wanting some… companionship... for the night? I can make some calls..." His phone was already in his hand, ready to dial.

Nathan grabbed his wrist, the skin cool beneath his fingertips, and Duke’s pulse was racing nearly as much as his was.  His mouth was as dry as his throat and he tried to swallow. "Not my style. Wouldn't mean anything."  
  
"Yeah, it kinda doesn't have to mean anything," Duke’s eyes crinkled and there was laughter in his voice.

Which was just  _ typical Duke.   _ It never had meant anything to him.  All those times… It’d just been about getting off and nothing more.   _ Friends with benefits.   _ At least back then, they’d made the pretence of being friends.  Not anymore, though. Now their friendship was underlined with something nearing hatred.  Insults and jibes that bordered on cruelty.

Because he’d  _ fucked it up.  _

"You think I'm that shallow?" Nathan raised his chin, daring Duke to agree with him.

Duke ran his hand through his hair which immediately flopped back into his face and  _ why _ was he so  _ irritatingly  _ handsome?  

“No, Nathan, I  _ know  _ you aren’t shallow, but… Look, intellectual and emotional compatibility are difficult - no, make that impossible - to find.  So you could always opt for the more...temporal...gratification of sheer physical attraction. There’s nothing shallow about that.  Is there?”

Nathan’s brain short circuited, working his way through Duke’s words, trying to read between the lines and work out what he was  _ actually saying.   _ He swallowed again, heat rising to his cheeks.  “I...brought beer. Thought we could…”

A bark of laughter from Duke cut him off.

“Nate, you don’t want my company.  You could’ve gone to anyone for company.  You came here because it’d be like old times.  It’s familiar. You know me, we’ve done this before and it doesn’t mean  _ nothing  _ but it’s not gonna mean everything either.  You can walk away in the morning, safe in the knowledge that neither of us will ever mention it again.  You trust me.  _ That’s  _ why you’re here.”

He leaned back in his deckchair with a smug grin that just said “mission accomplished” even though Nathan hadn’t given so much as a raised eyebrow in response.

Yeah.

Duke knew.  He always knew.  He could read Nathan like a  _ fucking book.  _  Which was very disconcerting when Nathan hadn’t entirely worked out what he wanted for himself.

He opened two of the bottles of beer and passed one to Duke who took it and smirked.

“Same old Nate, then.  Gotta have a drink and some polite conversation first.  Tell me, are you trying to ease your guilty conscience because you think you’re using me?  Or are you more worried that I’m using you?”

There was a false lightness to his tone, something _off,_ that suggested that Nathan’s answer actually _mattered_ to Duke.

Nathan took a swallow of his beer, the bottle cold against his lips, the condensation leaving the glass wet and slippery beneath his fingers.

“I’m not, by the way,” Duke said as he peeled the label from his bottle of beer.  “Using you, I mean. I never did. And if you’re using me, you know, a one night only kinda thing, then that’s fine, I really don’t have a problem with that.”

That same  _ false lightness _ was there and maybe Duke had just needed to make it clear that he wasn’t using Nathan or...   _ God  _ this stuff was confusing.  Dating and communicating and...yeah, and sex.  Nathan never had been able to get his head round it, probably why he’d ended up in bed with Duke in the first place.

Because it was easy.

He swigged from his bottle again.

“‘m not using you.  Never been like that for me.”

“So what is it then?  Because we used to have fun - a lot of fun - and we managed ok after your Trouble kicked in until that one night when you pretty much ran outta here mumbling something about being as useless as a blow up doll and you’ve barely spoken to me since, except to arrest me, and now...now you’re here, looking for sex as though nothing ever changed which is fine - good, even - but what’s going on in there?”

Duke leaned forward to poke him in the forehead and Nathan bashed his hand away, his attempt at an exasperated glare ruined by the slight smile he knew was on his lips.

“You’re the expert in what I’m thinking.  You tell me.”

“Fine,” Duke sighed and returned to peeling the label from his bottle.  “You haven’t felt anything for a coupla years now, I was the last person you felt before your Trouble kicked in - a fact for which I am, genuinely, sorry - and now you want to feel everything possible and you think - no, you  _ know _ \- I’m the best person to help you with that.  Because I already know what you like and what you don’t like and you don’t have to think and, best of all, you don’t have to communicate.  If you went to anyone else, you’d have to talk them through what you want, whereas...I already know.”

“So why’d you ask?”

Duke shrugged.  “Because I wanted to hear it from you.  Because I don’t want to make assumptions.  Because I want to make it good for you.”

“You always did.”

There was just the hint of softness in Duke’s eyes as he smiled his little half smile.  “And what you want...hasn’t changed?”

Nathan shook his head.  “Except one thing.”

Duke’s eyebrows raised in an unspoken question and Nathan had to stop himself from squirming as his heart thudded in his chest.

“Want you to fuck me.”

That was the bald-faced truth of it.  The one thing they’d never done. Because Nathan had been too fucking scared of it hurting to even try it.  A fact that he’d regretted almost as soon as his Trouble kicked in and he stopped being able to feel anything.  Even pain would’ve been a welcome break from the nothingness.

“You really want that?”  Duke’s eyes were dark, his expression intense as he leaned forwards, his elbows resting on his knees.

Nathan nodded.  “You always seemed to enjoy it…”

“I did...do...fuck,” Duke was on his feet in an instant, crowding into Nathan’s space, and time slowed down.

Only a couple of seconds passed but Nathan noticed  _ everything,  _ his other senses dulled by the sharpness - the  _ newness -  _ of being able to  _ feel  _ again.  

Heat radiated from the pure, physical, presence that was Duke as he closed the gap between them.  His breath was warm, the ticklish sensation almost a caress across Nathan’s cheek and Nathan balled his fists into the softness of Duke’s shirt - not knowing whether he wanted to pull him closer or push him away.

Duke knew.

He closed the final inch between them, his goatee rasping across Nathan’s chin, contrasting with the softness of his lips on Nathan’s as they kissed.

The kiss was slow, passionate, searching, and entirely unlike any they'd shared before.

Nathan hardened in response and broke away with a quiet gasp.  This was stupid. At this rate he was going to end up coming in his pants like a teenager.

"Ok?" Duke asked, a small frown of something approaching concern on his face.

Nathan nodded, words dancing on the tip of his tongue -  _ I missed this - _ but he couldn’t say them.  Not to Duke. Not now. Not after everything.  "Inside," he croaked instead.

Duke grinned and stepped back, gesturing for Nathan to lead the way and following a step behind him when he did.

Duke's hand was warm on the small of his back, steering him, and Nathan bit back his instinct to growl that he knew where he was going because...well, because it wasn't actually a bad thing.  It might have been a surprisingly affectionate gesture coming from Duke but it was steadying. Calming.

Once inside, Duke dropped his hand away, turning to close and lock the door behind them.

"Still paranoid?"

"Still safety conscious, Nate," Duke rolled his eyes slightly and Nathan blushed.

Yeah, maybe Duke had a point about that. Given some of his... antics, in the past (and Nathan sincerely hoped they  _ were _ all in the past, for Duke's sake, if not his own), it was entirely possible that one day he'd attract the attention of people who wanted him hurt.  Or worse.

"So when did you last...?" Duke gestured at Nathan's crotch and heat rose to Nathan's cheeks once again.

"With you."

Nathan didn't elaborate.  The last time they were together.  When he'd freaked out because he'd come and he  _ hadn't been able to feel it _ and he hadn't been able to see the point in even trying anymore.

Or anything else, for that matter.

He half expected Duke to laugh at the admission.  To mock him with a comment that sounded like a joke but was really a dig, aimed to hurt.

What he very definitely  _ wasn't  _ expecting was for Duke to nod silently and squeeze his shoulder.

"Then we should get the first one out of the way," he said.

"Duke..."

"Nate," Duke’s lips curved into a smile.  "Look, you want this to be an all night thing, right?  Not a quick fuck and escape back to your safe little life.  You want to make up for lost time. And that...that's not gonna happen if you try to drag it out.  So let me do this and then I promise I'll make sure you experience everything - and I do mean  _ everything _ \- that you want to."

Nathan nodded, his mouth too dry to speak.  Duke’s hand was gentle on his shoulder, pushing him down onto the bench.  The edge of the counter was hard, digging into the back of his head, but Duke’s hand was sliding up the outside of his thigh, scraping across the denim, and nothing else seemed to matter.

“Duke…” Nathan said again.

Duke’s eyes met his, boring into Nathan with an intensity unlike any he’d seen from Duke before.

Whatever Duke had been looking for, he obviously found it because he dropped to his knees, his hands on Nathan’s belt buckle as he murmured - “Relax, Nate, I’ve got you.”

“Yeah,” Nathan sighed the word out.

The sigh turned to a groan as Duke palmed over the bulge in his jeans and Nathan shivered in anticipation.

Because Duke was  _ good  _ at this.  Always had been.  He’d always drawn these reactions from Nathan, the involuntary twitches and shivers and moans in response to Duke’s every touch.

He barely had time to react to the sensation before Duke’s fingers were on his belt, deft and nimble as he undid Nathan’s jeans, tugging them down, taking his briefs along with them, just enough to release Nathan from the confines of his clothing.  Soft breath flowed across his cock, cool against the heated skin. Duke’s hands were strong where they rested on his hips, holding him still. Grounding him.

Stopping him from floating away.

Nathan thought he might do just that.  His mind raced, processing every little sensation, logging every last detail to replay later.  The hardness of the counter at the back of his head. The softness of the cushions on the bench.  The warmth of Duke’s hands, gripping his hips almost hard enough to hurt and he had to wonder if that was deliberate on Duke’s part.

The crinkle at the corners of Duke’s eyes when he smiled.  The tiny scattering of grey hairs just coming through at his temples.

The way his lips parted and his tongue darted out, a split second before he -

_ Fuck. _

Duke’s tongue was on him, hot and wet, sliding up the underside of his cock, gentle at first, then harder, licking him, swirling around the head and it was too much and not enough all at once.

A soft, strangled, sound escaped Nathan’s throat.  “Duke...More…”

There was a quiet huff of laughter before Duke sank his mouth down around Nathan, warm and soft and smooth.  Velvety. His tongue worked, swirling around the sensitive head, and then -

Suction, pulling Nathan closer to the edge.  His hips jerked in response, unconsciously pushing him deeper into Duke's mouth, as he tangled his fingers into the silky strands of Duke's hair and begged him not to stop.

Heat filled him, pooling low and deep, his singular focus on that one area, on the feel of Duke's lips around him. Nothing else mattered. Nothing else existed.

And then the rush as he came, panting for breath and gasping Duke's name.

Duke swallowed - the way he always did - and pulled off, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He stood up, getting to his feet with typical feline grace, and grinned down at Nathan.

"Get dressed, Nate," he said as he turned away. "What do you want to drink? Got some whisky, or I can grab those beers you brought."

Still boneless, still gathering his thoughts, Nathan hurriedly pulled up his pants. "You don't want me to... reciprocate?"

"Later.  Beer?"

Nathan nodded and Duke nodded back.

He took a long time to pick up the remains of the six pack, presumably giving Nathan time to... process.

Which Nathan was grateful for because he couldn’t stop smiling - grinning like an idiot, probably - and his legs didn’t quite want to cooperate.  Neither did his fingers as he fumbled to do up his belt and he eventually gave up. It was only going to be undone again later.

At least he hoped so.

Duke closed the door quietly behind him, the locks scraping closed again, and Nathan hated that Duke felt so unsafe as to have to keep the doors locked in his own home.  He briefly considered saying something to that effect but...now really wasn’t the time. Besides which, it was  _ personal. _  And personal wasn’t a line which either of them really wanted to cross.

He took a long swig of beer from the bottle Duke passed him.

“So do you?  Want me to reciprocate, I mean.”

Duke ran his hands through his hair and shook it out of his eyes when it flopped back into his face.  He wasn’t smiling now and the thought of  _ oh fuck  _ ran through Nathan’s mind as Duke sat opposite him, their knees touching when Duke leaned forward to rest his hands on Nathan’s thighs.

“Nate...Yes.  So much yes. Believe me, I can’t wait to have your hands - or mouth - or anything else - on me,” Duke’s eyes sparkled as he spoke.  “And I’m not exactly a one-and-done sorta guy, as you well know, but I don’t want to rush this. Tonight is for you - for you to experience everything you’ve been missing out on for the last couple of years and for me to make it good for you.  So put any thoughts of obligation and reciprocation out of your mind, relax, and enjoy it.”

Everything about Duke was soft - his voice, his expression, his eyes.  His touch was gentle and affectionate; he was being almost  _ tender _ and Nathan didn’t really know what to do with it.

So he took another sip of beer and nodded.

Duke seemed happy with that - he sat back and pulled one foot up onto the bench, content to drink his beer in silence.

Nathan studied him, envying his ability to be so relaxed and carefree, as though nothing ever mattered to him.  Though in reality, Nathan knew that  _ everything  _ mattered to Duke.  He was easier to hurt than he’d ever let on and Nathan’s heart twisted at the thought of everything he’d done to hurt Duke.  Maybe he shouldn’t be here at all.

Clearly Duke read something in his expression - something beneath the poker face that Nathan was always careful to wear - because he gave a little shake of his head and a slight frown.  “What?”

Nathan took a swallow of beer.  “Mind if I ask you something?”

Duke’s eyes narrowed, his face hardened.  “Go on.”

“Why are you doing this?  You feel guilty ‘bout what happened?”

“About setting off your Trouble that day?”

Nathan nodded.  

“I mean, yeah, don’t get me wrong, I do feel guilty but no.  That isn’t why I’m doing this.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“Really?  Because it was a really shitty thing to do.  Not the Coastguard stuff, that was just an... unfortunate coincidence, but I should have kept my temper, explained better.  It was my fault that you spent so long without being able to feel.”

His guilt was written in every line on his face, every inflection in his voice, and it was Nathan’s turn to lean forwards.  He nudged Duke’s knee in a vague (and probably pathetic) attempt at an affectionate gesture.

“Would’ve happened anyway.  Yeah, maybe you did cause it but if it hadn’t been you, would’ve been something else.”

“Yeah, no, that’s  _ really _ not the point.”

“Kinda is,” Nathan smiled wryly.  “Let it go, Duke. Just the way the Troubles work.”

Duke nodded again and while he clearly didn’t believe what Nathan was saying, at least he  _ wasn’t arguing  _ and that was about the best Nathan could hope for.

“Just to be  _ absolutely - perfectly - clear,  _ though… No, I’m not doing this because I feel guilty.”

“Why then?”

“Because…”  Duke leaned forward again.  “Because I liked what we used to have.  It was fun and  _ straightforward  _ and - if you’ll remember - it was your decision to end it.  Not mine.”

Nathan nodded slowly, trying to work out how much he should say.  If he should admit that he never could see what Duke saw in him anyway.  And that the blow up doll comment might have been flippant but also accurate because he wasn’t actually  _ worth  _ any more than that.

Not once he couldn’t feel anything.

He’d thought that Duke had been carrying things on out of some misguided sense of guilt over what had happened and he didn’t  _ want that.   _ He didn’t want to be  _ pitied.   _ To be treated like he was some sort of fucking charity case.

No.

He’d wanted Duke to  _ want him.   _

Even when he couldn’t bear to be in his own skin any longer.

Duke reached out, that intense expression back on his face, and cupped the back of Nathan’s neck in his hand, gently easing him forwards so their foreheads were resting together.

“Maybe we - by which I mean you, obviously - should stop worrying about it and just enjoy it.  I promise I’m gonna let you feel everything, Nate,” he said, his voice low and quiet. “Everything that you want to feel and if you walk out of here in the morning and this never happens again, I’ll always be glad it was me you came to first.”

“Wouldn’t have been anyone else, Duke,” Nathan murmured.

And that was the truth of it.  Sex… Sex wasn’t even his first priority.  He wanted  _ closeness.   _ Not a meaningless encounter with a stranger that was purely about getting off and nothing else.  Something more...honest.

Who else would it have been?  Jess was long gone, and he’d fucked that up anyway by being so  _ useless  _ at dating.  No game with chicks, Audrey had been right with that one.

Audrey…

There was something there.  Very definitely something there.  But this…? He couldn’t ever have asked for this from her.  Maybe if they’d already been together, already had that closeness, but they  _ weren’t,  _ and this would have been  _ too much. _

Whereas Duke…

Yeah.  Duke was perfect for this.  At this. Everything he’d said earlier about already knowing Nathan’s likes and dislikes, about it being  _ easy  _ and uncomplicated and how it wouldn’t mean  _ nothing  _ but it wouldn’t mean everything either…  

He was right.

But maybe it meant more to him than Duke thought it did.

Nathan tilted his head, pressed his lips to Duke’s.

Duke’s lips yielded beneath his own, opening, allowing him in, and he let his tongue explore the soft, wet, heat of Duke’s mouth.  He tasted of whisky and beer and the hint of coffee. He tasted of  _ Duke. _

And -  _ god -  _ if Nathan wasn’t getting hard again already.

A soft sound escaped him, something slightly desperate and raw, and Duke pulled away.

“Nate…” Duke breathed, a split second passing before he hauled Nathan to his feet.

There was a glint in his eyes, predatory and almost dangerous, but his hands on Nathan's waist were gentle, holding him close as he leaned in for another kiss.

Nathan kissed him hard, almost frantically.  He slid his hands between them to pull at Duke’s shirt, the denim soft beneath his fingers; the buttons opened easily and Duke shrugged out of it in one smooth motion.  He didn’t miss a beat of the kiss as he crowded back against Nathan, his fingers tugging at Nathan’s shirt, pulling it from the waistband of his jeans.

“You attached to these buttons?”  Duke murmured, dropping his head to stare down at Nathan’s shirt.

“Nope.”

“Good.”

In one swift movement, Duke ripped Nathan’s shirt open and slid it off his shoulders.  Nathan pulled his arms out of it and dropped it onto the floor, immediately forgetting about it as Duke pressed against him and his senses were once again overwhelmed by the sheer  _ presence _ of him.

Duke’s chest was pressed against his own, solid and  _ muscled,  _ the skin warm and smooth, and Nathan wrapped his arms around him.  He buried his face in Duke’s neck, breathing deeply. He smelled of shampoo and spices and cologne - sandalwood with a hint of jasmine - and the scent was  _ so familiar.   _

So  _ Duke.   _

He nuzzled into his neck, just for a moment, before Duke moved him backwards, using his physicality in the way that only he could.  Nathan stumbled slightly but Duke’s hands were on him, balancing him, holding him and he was dimly aware that he was  _ clinging,  _ that Duke was - for some reason that Nathan couldn’t quite work out -  _ letting him.   _

That Duke was  _ clinging back.   _

Nathan drew away, just enough that he could kiss Duke again, tasting the heady mix of whisky and beer, and Duke kissed him back, hard and demanding, as he manoeuvred Nathan until he hit the wall behind him.  It was cold, solid, unyielding, against his back, a thrilling contrast with the heat of Duke against his chest.

Duke stopped kissing and took hold of Nathan’s wrists, pushing them above his head.  He held him in place with one strong hand, the other ghosting down Nathan’s ribs, sending sparks flickering across his skin and making him shiver at the electrifying contact.

“I love how responsive you are,” Duke murmured, his breath soft across Nathan’s ear, drawing another shiver from him.  He rolled his hips and, even through their remaining clothing, Nathan could feel just how hard he was.

“Duke,” Nathan choked out.

“Getting impatient?”

There was a teasing tone to his voice but it was  _ light  _ and playful, not mocking.

Nathan whined, words dancing across his tongue once again -  _ I missed this -  _ and he swallowed them as he had done earlier.

That whine must have given Duke the answer he needed because he stepped back, releasing Nathan, smirking slightly as he turned away - part of the play, part of the tease.  One of Duke’s little games. But one with a purpose - it gave Nathan the choice, the space to gather his thoughts. The agency. He could follow Duke, or he could walk away.

He followed.

The light in the bedroom was soft, golden, and Duke was…  He was stunning, practically  _ glowing _ under the light, intricate lines of ink tracing his skin, and Nathan paused by the door, drinking in the sight of him.

“New tat?”  Nathan stepped into Duke’s space to run his fingers across the tattoo on his chest.  The one that hadn’t been there the last time he saw Duke half naked.

Duke nodded, his eyes half closed under Nathan’s touch.

Up close, the lines revealed themselves to be a phoenix, rising from the centre of Duke’s chest and up to his left shoulder.  Nathan’s face fell as he realised the meaning behind it. Renewal. Rebirth. Resurrection.

“Duke,” he said quietly, barely above a whisper as he flung his arms around him.

He hadn’t known - it hadn’t hit him until now - just how much the new start of owning the Gull had meant to Duke.  How much it had fixed him.

And it had.  Duke had  _ changed _ since that day.  Oh, he was still  _ Duke,  _ full of sarcasm and jokes with a hidden meaning, always wearing the mask he presented to the world.  The one that he never let fall.

But he’d cleaned up his act.  Even Nathan couldn’t deny that, as much as he’d tried at first, as much as he’d tried to find any possible way to catch Duke out.

Duke had gotten his second chance.

Nathan’s breath caught in his chest.   _ He hadn’t believed him.   _ He hadn’t believed that Duke could go straight, put his criminal past behind him.  But he  _ had.   _ He’d proved everyone wrong.  Even Nathan.

“‘m sorry,” he mumbled into Duke’s ear, soft strands of hair tickling his nose.  “Sorry that I didn’t believe you could turn your life around.”

“It’s fine, Nate, you don’t have anything to apologise for.  Hell, I didn’t even believe I could turn my life around - not after so long - it still catches me out sometimes.”

“It’s not  _ fine,  _ Duke.  I’m sorry.  And in case no one else ever said it, I’m proud of you.”

“Shut up.”  Duke’s voice was gruff - it had that quality about it, the tone it took on when one of them got  _ too personal.   _

“Meant it,” Nathan’s tone matched Duke’s.

“Shut up,” Duke said again, softer this time as he slid his fingers under Nathan’s jaw, easing his chin up so they were eye to eye.  His eyes were dark, unreadable, and he looked as though he was about to say something before he gave a little shake of his head and leaned in to kiss Nathan again.

The kiss was deep and fierce, soft lips and sharp teeth, and it took Nathan’s breath away.

Still kissing, Duke’s hands slid slowly down his body, brushing across his ribs, more firmly over his hips so he could feel the contact through the denim, gripping his ass and pulling him close.  His arousal was obvious and if Nathan had wanted Duke to want him, well, it was very,  _ very,  _ clear that he did.

It was clear in the way he kissed, in the harshness of his breathing which was just short of panting, in the almost-rough grip of his hands on Nathan’s ass.  It was clear in the hardness of his cock against Nathan’s hip.

Nathan whined when Duke stopped kissing, a quiet sound of disappointment which was replaced a second later by a contented sigh as Duke’s lips moved to his neck, the rasp of his goatee contrasting with the softness of his lips.  He angled his head, unconsciously giving Duke more room to work. He felt Duke smile against his neck, a split second before he nipped. Hard.

Another whine - almost a whimper this time - and Nathan was reaching for Duke, pulling at the waistband of his pants, trying to get inside them, not wanting the barrier of clothing between them anymore.

Duke pulled away, laughing.  “Patience, Nathan. You don’t want to rush this, do you?”

That light, teasing, note was back in his voice and Nathan couldn’t help but smile, despite his frustration.  

“Duke…”

And yeah, his voice  _ definitely  _ sounded more plaintive than he’d really intended but at least Duke took pity on him and crowded back against him.  

Some of his impatience must have rubbed off on Duke because Nathan barely blinked and his clothes were on the floor, Duke kneeling in front of him to drag the jeans over his feet.    He sat back on his heels and gazed up at Nathan, his eyes dark, his lips slightly parted.

The desire to reach out and stroke his hair, run a hand gently down his face, was almost overwhelming.  It would be  _ wrong  _ though, that wasn’t what they’d ever been about.  Affection wasn’t part of the package with Duke.

Nathan clenched his fists against the urge and Duke flinched slightly - not obviously, he hid it well, but enough that Nathan noticed.  A narrowing of his eyes, the minute turn of his head, a flicker of  _ something  _ in his expression before he smirked, the mask he always wore firmly back in place.

“Do you have  _ any idea  _ how fucking hot you are?  I could stare at you all night,”  he said, bouncing back onto his feet.  “C’mere, lie down.”

Heat rose to Nathan’s cheeks at the compliment and he bit back a self deprecating comment.

“You always sleep with these?”  He said instead, gesturing at the opulent red silk sheets that were on the bed.

“No…”

Nathan raised an eyebrow.

“...I thought you might like them…”

“You were expecting me?”

Duke turned away, a light blush of pink on his cheeks.  “Half thought you might come here and...it seemed...prudent to be prepared.  Y’know, just in case you  _ did  _ come here.”

“You go to this much effort for all your dates?”

“That’s what this is?  A date? No, I don’t go to this much effort for everyone I date.”

“Oh, so I’m special then?”  Nathan couldn’t resist smirking.

“Shut up,” Duke gave him a none-too-gentle shove so he fell on the bed.

The silk sheets were cool and smooth beneath him and Nathan couldn’t resist reaching out to run his fingers across the material which shimmered with the movement - the colour almost appearing to change, shades of red merging into one another - and he wriggled against them, delighting in the feel of them against his skin.  His attention focussed on the luxurious fabric, he barely noticed Duke hurriedly pulling his pants off until he stood beside the bed and cleared his throat.

“I was right then,” Duke’s smile was sweet, almost shy, a far cry from his usual cocky, confident, self.  As though he'd been  _ caught  _ with some secret or other.  “About the sheets, I mean. You like them.”

Nathan finally looked up at him - really looked at him, not just a glance - and it struck him (not for the first time) how gorgeous Duke was.  Tanned and golden, muscled but lean, and just as sexy as ever.

“Yeah,” he said and his voice was high - too high.  He swallowed hard. “Yeah, it was a good call. Thanks.”

The answering smile Duke gave him was more confident and that predatory glint was back in his eye as he leaned in to cover Nathan’s body with his own, pressing him down into the bed and kissing him hard.

Nathan kissed him back as Duke’s rough, calloused, weather worn hands ran over his body, down his ribs, tracing the crease where his hips met his thighs, ghosting over his cock and making him arch into the almost-contact.  His lips and tongue were softer as they followed the lines his hands had just traced and Nathan whimpered, wordlessly asking for more.

Duke obliged him.

His teeth were sharp on Nathan’s nipples, nipping and tugging, moving to his neck, sucking and biting and leaving marks that would still show in the morning.  It was too much and not enough all at once.

And then Duke  _ stopped.  _  He drew back to use one fingertip to lightly trail over Nathan's skin, drawing patterns, the touch barely there but so enticing, then scraping his nails across Nathan's chest, leaving pink stripes which  _ stung. _

Nathan shivered, his mind trying to process the multitude of sensations as he gasped for breath.

Duke laughed softly and kissed him again - a brief kiss which left Nathan wanting more - before he pulled away and stood up.

“Duke…” Nathan whined.

“Back in a sec.”

Nathan practically leaped off the bed to follow him.  He grabbed Duke’s wrist and curled his free hand around the back of Duke's neck, pulling him in to kiss him hard.

“Stop teasing,” he growled afterwards.

“You really are impatient,” Duke laughed. “Can't say I really blame you, I'm sure I would be too. What do you want, Nathan?”

“Fuck me.” Nathan knew his voice sounded low and urgent, full of desperation.

Duke swallowed hard and nodded, for once lost for words.  He reached across to the bedside table and rummaged in the drawer for a moment, emerging with a packet of condoms and a bottle of lube.

Nathan's heart thudded in his chest as he bent over the bed, the way Duke always had done for him.

There was something  _ brittle  _ in Duke’s laugh. “Easier if you don't look at me, huh? Forget who you're fucking?”

His words sent an unpleasant jolt into Nathan's stomach and he stood up to face Duke who didn't budge an inch, barely giving Nathan space to breathe, let alone move.

“What? No. 's’how we always used to do it,” Nathan frowned. “That what you thought? I didn't want to look at you?”

“No, not that…”

Nathan could read the lie on Duke's face but he wasn't about to call him on it.  Not now, anyway. “Good, 'cause it was never like that. Not for me.”

“Nor me.” Duke couldn't look Nathan in the eye and there was something  _ heavy  _ in the air, an unspoken admission between them that they both knew they would never say.

The silence grew and Nathan ran a finger gently across Duke’s jaw, easing his chin up so he could kiss him again, trying to put all of his emotions into that one kiss, emotions that he would never have the words to express.  Still kissing, he pulled Duke down onto the bed. Duke half-fell with him, catching his balance at the last second, his body covering Nathan’s once again as he murmured into his ear.

“This really what you want?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you  _ sure?”   _ Everything about Duke was intense - his voice, his expression, the way he held himself, every muscle full of tension.

Nathan nodded, words failing him.  He  _ wanted this.   _ He wanted to feel what Duke had all those times before.  He wanted to let go of the control and rigidity, to open himself up and lay himself bare.

To be fucked.

“I promise I won’t hurt you.”

“Kinda want it to hurt.”

“If I hurt you, I’m doing it wrong.  And trust me, I am very,  _ very,  _ good at this.”

Nathan nodded again.  “I trust you, Duke,” he said softly.

“I know.  You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t.”

And that was the truth of it.  The whole reason he was here. He  _ trusted  _ Duke.  To give him what he wanted -  _ needed -  _ and to  _ take care  _ of him.  Whatever had happened between them, that trust had never completely disappeared.

Still, as Duke reached for the lube and slicked up his fingers, Nathan couldn’t help but shudder and even he wasn’t sure if it was anticipation or nerves.

“Relax,” Duke murmured, giving Nathan a second to do so before he nudged Nathan’s thighs apart and slipped a hand between his legs.

Duke’s fingers slid inside him, first one, then another, twisting and stretching and opening.  Getting him ready and  _ god, _ he was ready.  So ready to feel Duke inside him.  To experience what he'd always been curious about but had never dared to ask for.

He groaned in pleasure as Duke curled his fingers, expertly finding the sweet spot that felt  _ so damn good. _

His cock twitched and Duke ran his thumb around the head, softly, so softly Nathan could barely feel it and his hips jerked, unconsciously searching for  _ more. _

“Wow, you really are sensitive tonight,” Duke sounded amused but not...not in a bad way, more that he was delighted by Nathan’s reactions.

“You try not feeling anything for two years and see how sensitive you are,” there was less heat in Nathan’s tone than his words might suggest.

“Fair,” Duke bent to lick slowly up the underside of Nathan’s cock.

Nathan whined again.  “Duke…”

“Nate…”

“For the last damn time will you stop teasing and fuck me.”

Duke must have been waiting for him to ask again, to give him that space and to be certain that it was his decision, because as soon as Nathan asked, he groaned softly and kneeled between Nathan’s parted thighs.  Slowly - so slowly - he pushed until he was buried deep inside Nathan, long and thick and hard.

Nathan gritted his teeth at the sensation.  It burned and stretched but Duke was right, it didn’t hurt - not like he’d been expecting it to.  Not like he half wanted it to.

His breath caught in his throat and Duke held still, giving him time to adjust.

“Ok?”  Duke murmured, staring down at Nathan intensely.

He nodded and Duke started to move; a steady, unhurried pace.  His hand was on Nathan’s cock, stroking lightly, drawing it out, allowing Nathan’s pleasure to build and build.

Nathan gazed up at him, almost overwhelmed by the moment. __ He pulled Duke down for a kiss and moaned into his mouth when he moved again, his back arching, pushing against Duke as he broke the kiss to beg for him to go faster, harder.

Duke obliged him, picking up his pace, but it was still slow and gentle and  _ not enough. _

Unable to keep still beneath him, Nathan’s body responded, his hips moving in time with Duke’s.

“Duke….more…”  Nathan’s voice was  _ desperate _ and raw and Duke gave him what he needed, fucking him hard, his hand gripping more firmly, stroking faster.

Nathan threw his head back, his eyes closed, his fingers digging into Duke shoulders, blindly clutching at him.  He breathed hard and fast, a guttural sound escaping him on every exhale until they merged into one continuous sound as he came, clenching around Duke’s cock and carrying him over the edge with him.

There was a sense of loss when Duke slipped out, like a part of himself was missing, that the connection had been lost and whatever Nathan had been expecting...  That depth of emotional impact...wasn’t it.

“Ok?”  Duke checked in again as he passed Nathan a box of tissues, grabbing a handful for himself.

“Yeah,” Nathan said quietly and there must have been something in his face or his voice, something that gave Duke pause, because he settled back down onto the bed beside Nathan and wrapped his arms around him.

Nathan tensed, just for a split second, because this was  _ new _ and different and...cuddling wasn't something they'd ever done but he couldn't deny that it felt good.

He allowed himself to relax into Duke's contact, reasoning that maybe Duke needed it as much as he did. It felt like warmth and safety and  _ home.  _ He was still trying to work out why that should be when he drifted off to sleep.

*

He woke to find Duke had pulled the covers up, cocooning them in warmth.  Soft strands tickled his face and heat rose to Nathan’s cheeks as he realised he’d been nuzzling into Duke’s hair while they slept.

It would have been embarrassing, except that Duke was clinging to him in his sleep.  He looked so young and relaxed, the tension gone from his body, the lines gone from his face.  It broke Nathan’s heart that Duke was always so permanently  _ wary _ and - not for the first time - he wondered what had happened to make Duke so defensive.

Duke blinked slowly and groaned.  “What time is it?” He mumbled.

Glad of an excuse to pull away, still not entirely certain that Duke was  _ comfortable _ with the whole cuddling thing, even if he had been the one to instigate it, Nathan rolled over to glance at the clock.

“Half one.”

Duke was silent for a minute.

“You eat before you came over?”  He asked eventually.

“Not since lunch.”

“I’ll make something,” Duke leapt out of bed with his usual cat-like elegance and pulled on a pair of pants.  He didn’t look back as he left the room to dash into the kitchen.

Nathan stared after him for a moment before he pulled on his boxers and jeans and followed him more slowly.

“Coffee?  Or another beer?”  Duke asked.

“Coffee?  You trying to keep me up all night?”

Duke grinned.  “That was the general idea, yes.”

“Coffee it is.  Cream and…”

“Two sugars,” Duke interrupted.  “Yeah, I know.”

He poured out two mugs, added cream and sugar to one of them and passed it to Nathan before adding a healthy shot of Bailey’s to his own and brandishing the bottle in Nathan’s direction.

“No.  Thanks.”

Duke nodded.  “Pancakes ok? I can’t decide if we’re having a late dinner or an early breakfast but I figured you’d eat pancakes for every meal given half the chance.”

“You're making me pancakes?” Nathan gave a little half-smile.

“I am making you pancakes. I'm not sure why that should come as such a surprise, you've eaten my pancakes at the Gull, I know you know I can cook them and I'm reasonably certain that you know I have real maple syrup and not the fake stuff.”

“No, I meant…” Nathan struggled for the right words. “You're making them for me.”

Some of the tension left Duke and he smiled. “Yeah, I'm making them for you. Don't make such a big deal out of it. It's just pancakes.”

“Thanks. And for...uh...earlier.”

Duke laughed. “Uh, Nate, you do know you don't need to thank for me that? I mean, I did sort of enjoy it as well.”

Nathan raised an eyebrow. “Yeah. And you know that wasn't what I was saying.”

“Then maybe you should use your words and stop speaking in riddles.”

“I'm not speaking in riddles!”

“Ok, yeah, no, you aren't speaking in riddles so much as you're trying to avoid speaking at all so maybe you should just sit down and drink your coffee and let me go and make these pancakes.”

Nathan gripped his shoulder hard - too hard. Duke winced and Nathan relaxed his grip, leaving his hand in place.

“I meant,  _ thanks.  _ You were...gentle and I...kinda wasn't expecting that.”

“Wouldn't ever have been anything but gentle, Nate. First time...you, uh, you don't want it to be rough. Trust me on that.”

Nathan nodded and Duke cleared his throat.

“So. Pancakes,” he said brightly - too brightly, almost forced.

“Pancakes,” Nathan dropped his hand away after giving Duke's shoulder a light squeeze.

While Duke busied himself in the kitchen, Nathan sat at the table, cradling the warm mug of coffee in his hands and watching Duke work.

He moved effortlessly around the kitchen, plucking ingredients out of the cupboards without looking, measuring and mixing and stirring until the pancakes were sizzling in the pan.  It was a joy to watch him work. His passion for food shone through even with a simple dish and every few minutes he shot a smile over his shoulder.

A smile that tugged at Nathan’s heartstrings.

There were a lot of things tugging at his heartstrings, if he was being completely honest.  The whole evening had been far more emotionally intense than he’d been expecting and it crossed his mind that if...being fucked...was this emotional for him, maybe it had been for Duke all those times before.

Guilt rushed through him that he hadn’t thought of it that way before.  That Duke was taking care of him in a way that he’d never taken care of Duke.

He blushed as Duke delivered the plates with a flourish that would have been more at home in a fancy restaurant than at a small table in his own home, the irrational fear that Duke might be able to read his thoughts hitting him hard.

“Looks great,” he said, turning his attention to the pancakes.

“You don’t have to sound so surprised,” Duke complained.

“Was meant to be a compliment.”

“I get that it was meant to be but no, if you say it like you’re amazed, it’s not a compliment anymore.”

“Shut up, Duke.”

Surprisingly, Duke did and they ate in a silence that should have been awkward but wasn’t.  It was just...easy and amiable and, besides which, there was always that old saying that you can judge the quality of the food by how much conversation there was (or wasn’t).

And they were very good pancakes.

A strand of hair flopped over Duke's eye and Nathan wanted to reach across and stroke it back out of his face. He didn't. He didn't dare because it was affectionate and he knew better than to push his luck with Duke. That would just get him kicked out. And that was exactly what Nathan didn't want.

It wasn't about the sex, as amazing as it was, and the promises of more later. It was about Duke. Wanting to spend time with him. To actually get to know the man he'd grown into without being at each other’s throats in one way or another. There'd never been time for that before.   
  
Something which Nathan deeply regretted.

The lack of affection in their previous encounters...maybe that had been Duke’s choice but maybe Nathan needed to own a fair amount of that too.  He’d never  _ tried  _ with Duke.  Never looked beyond the facade that Duke had wanted him to see - the mask of sarcasm and smiles that he wore every minute of every day.

Nathan wondered if he even let it drop when he was alone.

“Nathan?  Why are you staring at me?”

_ Crap.   _ He’d been caught.

In that instant, Nathan made his mind up - he was going to show Duke all the gentleness that Duke had shown him.  He was going to put this right. Even if it never happened again, if this turned out to be a one night only deal, he could do that much.  He could show Duke he cared.

“Just thinkin’ how sexy you are,” he said, allowing himself to be  _ bold  _ for once.

Duke laughed, high and bright and  _ surprised.  _  “Gotta say, I’m kinda liking honest Nathan, here.”

“Shut up and eat your pancakes.”

“I can think of better things to be doing…”

“Like?” Nathan raised an eyebrow, a tiny smile on his lips.

Duke gazed back at him. “I have to spell it out?”

Nathan swallowed the last bite of his pancakes. “Wouldn't want any misunderstandings,” he said wryly, suppressing a smirk.

_ “Misunderstandings,”  _ Duke snorted.  “You're really going to make me say it, aren't you?”

“Yup.”

And yeah, he was playing, the same way Duke did with him, but he needed to hear those words, to know that Duke wanted it just as much as he did.

“Fine,” Duke said, standing up and clearing the dishes.  “Just to avoid any  _ misunderstandings,  _ after I clean this lot up, you can help me fit the new water pump I bought last week.”

“Funny, Duke,” Nathan followed him into the kitchen and took the dishes from him, setting them neatly on the counter and running some hot water into the sink.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did you have something else in mind?”  Duke smiled sweetly.

“Yeah, washing up.”

Nathan proceeded to do exactly that, acutely aware of Duke’s eyes on the back of his neck.  He stacked the dishes in the drainer and dried his hands.

“So.  Water pump, then?”

Duke rolled his eyes.  “No, I really  _ don’t  _ need your help with fitting the water pump.”

“Mm-hmm,” Nathan murmured, crowding into Duke’s space and gripping his hips as he backed him into the counter.  “Something else you need my help with?”

He felt rather than heard Duke’s breath hitch and leaned in to kiss him thoroughly.  His lips were warm and he tasted of pancakes and coffee. When Nathan pulled away, Duke’s eyes were dark and there was a light flush of red on his cheeks.

“God, will you stop playing with me and fuck me,” Duke growled, his hand strong around the back of Nathan’s neck, pulling him in for another kiss.

“C'mon, Duke, you don't want to rush this, do you?” Nathan teased, throwing Duke's earlier words back at him.

“I really, really, do.”

His hips still holding Duke in place against the counter, Nathan leaned back to run his hands up Duke's ribs and across his chest.

A moan caught in the back of Duke's throat and Nathan pulled away.

“Lead the way,” he smirked like he didn't know exactly where the bedroom was and he hadn't just come from there a few minutes earlier.

Duke didn't hesitate, just turned and walked down the hallway, and there was definitely an ass-wiggle in his walk that Nathan was certain was entirely deliberate.  

He was already kicking off his pants when he reached the bedroom, the sharp angles of his limbs contrasting with the softer curves of his ass and Nathan realised he'd been wrong with his earlier statement that Duke was sexy - he was beautiful. A work of art. It pained him to think that he'd never noticed that before.

There were a lot of things he should have noticed before.

Determined to make up for lost time, he crowded into Duke's space and pressed against him.  Heat emanated from Duke like a furnace and Nathan dipped his head to softly kiss along his jawline and down his neck. He paused, his lips over Duke's pulse point, feeling the racing beat of Duke's heart.

“Nate…” Duke was breathless already, his cock hard against Nathan's hip.

“Duke,” Nathan murmured, his lips gently brushing the smooth skin of Duke's neck.

Duke reached between them, quickly undoing Nathan's jeans and pushing them down, palming over the bulge in Nathan's boxers with tantalising lightness.

“You do know,” Nathan murmured into Duke's ear, “that two can play at the teasing game.”

“Yeah, I was counting on it,” Duke murmured back.

Nathan nipped at Duke’s ear, hard enough that Duke inhaled sharply.

“Lie down,” Nathan said, adding as an afterthought, “please.”

_ “Please,”  _ Duke snorted, even as he did what he was told.

Stretched out beside him, Nathan pressed himself against Duke, unconsciously seeking as much contact as possible.  He ran his hand over Duke’s chest, the nipples immediately hardening under his feather-light touch, goosebumps rising everywhere Nathan’s fingers connected with the warm skin.

Soft whimpers came from Duke as he tried to keep still.  He was responsive, reacting to Nathan’s every stroke, and the knowledge that he was bringing so much pleasure to Duke was  _ powerful. _

“Seriously, Nate,” Duke whined.  “Enough with the teasing.”

“You sure about that?”  Nathan smirked and dragged his fingers gently over Duke’s cock.

“Yesss,” Duke hissed out, trying to sit up.

Nathan pushed him back down.  “Stay there,” he growled.

Once again, Duke did what he was told, staying put quietly while Nathan reached across for the condoms and lube which Duke had helpfully left out on the bedside cabinet.

This...submissive side to Duke, the way he was yielding to Nathan, it wasn’t  _ new,  _ exactly, he’d always been content to give up control, in the bedroom anyway, but this…seemed more genuine.  He wasn’t playing a part anymore. This was Duke.

He’d given himself to Nathan.  Put his trust in him, as he always did, time and time again.

And this time Nathan wasn't going to break that trust.

He knelt between Duke’s legs, taking his time to prepare him, more time than he'd ever taken in the past because now he  _ knew.  _ He knew exactly how much that was needed. He ignored Duke's whimpered pleas to hurry up, working steadily until he was satisfied that Duke was ready.

Then - and only then - he rolled on a condom and leaned down, silencing Duke’s ever more urgent demands with a kiss as he slowly slid inside him.

Duke was soft and warm, opening around him.  Accepting him. His hips tilted upwards to meet Nathan, wordlessly encouraging him. __

For the first time, he got to watch Duke’s face as they fucked - made love would be more accurate but Nathan wasn’t entirely ready to accept the implications of that turn of phrase - and Duke was  _ expressive,  _ his pleasure written all over his face, his eyes dark with arousal.  Nathan was more tender than he ever had been before, taking care of Duke in the same way Duke had just taken care of him and it was... _ more _ .

It was more than just  _ fucking,  _ and they both knew it and at some point they were going to have to have an actual fucking conversation about it but not now.  Not tonight.

He brushed a strand of damp hair out of Duke’s eyes, and Duke gazed up at him with a naked honesty that was far more exhilarating than any of the dirty talk that was Duke’s usual style.

Duke’s hand was strong on the back of his neck, insistently pulling him down for a kiss, and he was trying to  _ hide.   _ To escape the intensity that flowed between them.  Nathan obliged him with a kiss, deep and passionate as they rocked together.  He broke away with a gasp and Duke immediately tried to pull him closer again.

Nathan laughed softly and pinned Duke’s hands above his head - gently, lightly holding him in place.  Silently telling him  _ ‘let me do this’.  _

And Duke  _ did.  _  His head was thrown back, his throat exposed and vulnerable, and Nathan leaned down to nip gently at his pulse point.

A shudder ran through Duke’s body, a broken sound escaping him, something between a whine and a sob of pure, unadulterated, need.

“Nate...please…”

“Please what, Duke?”  Nathan murmured, watching the goosebumps rise on Duke’s neck as Nathan’s breath flowed across his skin.

“Please...I need…”

Duke’s words choked off as Nathan moved faster, harder, seeking his own release just as desperately as Duke wanted his.  He released Duke’s wrists and shifted his weight onto one elbow so he could reach between them and take Duke’s cock in his hand.

He was rewarded with a sharp, wordless, cry of pleasure.  Duke arched beneath him, wrapping his arms around Nathan’s shoulders and pulling him close to bury his face in Nathan’s neck.

“Let go, Duke,” Nathan whispered, speeding up his strokes on Duke’s cock, keeping time with his thrusts.  “I’m close, let go.”

Duke moaned, deep in his throat, his teeth sinking into Nathan’s neck as he came, the clench of his body carrying Nathan over the edge with him.

They stayed like that, both panting, their foreheads pressed together, Nathan marvelling at the control Duke had over his own body because he always seemed to be able to do that - to hold back until exactly the right moment.

Reluctantly, he pulled away, rolling over to collapse on the bed beside Duke, one arm thrown lazily across Duke’s waist, one leg hooked around Duke’s knee, not wanting to lose contact with him.

“Ok?”  He checked in because Duke hadn’t actually said anything and that was...unusual.  Duke had always been irritatingly  _ chatty  _ afterwards.

“Yeah,” Duke half breathed the word, half laughed it, something that was suspiciously close to a giggle.  He rolled towards Nathan and slung an arm around his shoulders, nestling his head down into the pillow.

Nathan pulled the covers up over them and - exhausted and satiated - they slept, more deeply than either of them had for years.

*

He woke up beside Duke, still wrapped in each others arms, and was struck by the sense of how  _ right  _ it felt.

Duke, who had sailed out of his life all those years ago.  Duke who he’d thought was so unreliable. Untrustworthy. Not anymore.  Somewhere along the line, Duke had become his anchor, his safe harbour, and Nathan knew he could never walk away from this.  Not again.

So he cuddled Duke a little bit tighter and closed his eyes.


End file.
